Save A Sexless Marriage
As hard as it may be, you need to sit down and talk openly with your spouse about the situation. This probably won’t be easy to do. If you’ve had a sexless marriage for any length of time, one or both partners’ frustration levels will probably be very high.
Due to the highly charged emotional atmosphere that seems to go along with a sexless marriage, it’s a good idea to set some ground rules for the discussion. This will help keep things on track and set the stage for an open dialogue. Both partners should promise to follow these rules.
First, you both need to agree that this is not an opportunity for finger-pointing or blaming. The focus should be on resolving your problems, not proving whose fault it is you have a sexless marriage. You both probably share some of the blame anyway, so why waste time accusing each other.
Next you both need to make a serious effort to keep your cool and not lose your temper during a discussion. A great technique is to agree beforehand that either one of you has permission to end the argument if you feel yourself losing control or, you see your partner losing control. This may sound silly, but working this out in advance is much better than one of you walking off.
Another good rule when talking about a sexless marriage is to promise each other not to judge each other’s feelings. Even if you feel that your partner’s feelings are unjustified or unreasonable, is better to keep that to yourself. Just listen and try to honestly consider your spouse’s viewpoint.
You should also promise not to interrupt each other. Chances are those words that you are just itching to get out probably won’t help. It’s usually better to listen more than you speak. Take your time and consider everything you’re going to say before you say it. The last thing you need in a sexless marriage is to make things worse with thoughtless words.
It’s important to be clear on what you hope to accomplish from talking. Your goal at this point is not to solve all the problems in your relationship, it’s just to get them out where you can begin solving them. Make sure you both have realistic expectations for the outcome of this discussion.
At this point you should just be concerned with starting to understand why you have a sexless marriage. Concentrate on listening to each other and trying to understand each other’s viewpoint. That’s enough for now.
Finally, go ahead right now and make a commitment to talk again after you’ve both had a chance to consider what the other person has said. This will remove a the pressure to come up with an instant solution. Without this unrealistic expectation both partners are free to be open and honest with each other.
Now that you’ve agreed on the ground rules for your discussion, it’s important that you don’t hold back your feelings and emotions. Go ahead and get everything out on the table. Just be sure to do it calmly, without hostility.
Once you’ve talked about your problems and both spouses have had a chance to express their viewpoints and feelings, then give each other a break and just be nice. Don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder. At the same time, it probably isn’t realistic to expect everything to be hunky-dory overnight either. A sexless marriage is a complicated problem and it will probably take some straighten things out.
After you’ve both had a chance to think, come back together at the agreed upon time.Now you can each offer your ideas on ways to start making things better, It’s a good idea to keep the rules in place. If you’ve gotten this far you have made significant progress. You don’t want anything to upset the apple cart now.
Just keep working together on the issue. You’ll know if you are making progress. Be patient with each other and remember why you got married in the first place. If you don’t give up, a sexless marriage can be turned around.