3 Things I Did To Help My Marriage

If you are asking yourself “How can I help my marriage?” I have some suggestions. My wife and I have been married for over 26 years. In all that time there were a couple of really close calls where we weren’t sure how to keep things together. But we did, and I want to help you do the same.

I know that you might be thinking that I can’t possibly have a clue what you are going through. And you would be partly right, every situation is unique. But some problems couples face are pretty universal. And there are some things you can do that are bound to help improve things in your marriage, even if it looks hopeless.

I want to tell you about three things I have done to help my marriage. I hope this will not only encourage you but also give you some concrete steps to take to restore your marriage. Some of these suggestions may seem like no brainers but I’ve found that we all sometimes act like we have no brain, so I’ll mention them anyway.

One thing that I have learned is that one of the first things I do when I want to help my marriage is look in the mirror. As hard as it is for me to accept, I am often to blame for problems in my marriage. That doesn’t mean that my wife is perfect, just that I’m not either. Being willing to admit to myself and to my wife that I screwed up is a big step in making sure my marriage stays on track.

Another thing I learned to do to help my marriage when it looked like we were headed straight for a divorce is to stop playing the “blame game”. For some reason, whenever our plans don’t work out just like we expected we have this tendency to want to blame somebody else. Often the person we pick for the scapegoat is our spouse and we take our frustration out on them in subtle,and not so subtle, ways.

I used to be very guilty of this. I would have this scenario of how something was supposed to go all worked out in my mind. If my wife reminded me of something that conflicted with my mental storyboard I was tempted to blame her for the disruption. This generally led to some sort of friction between us, if not an outright fight. I had to learn to be flexible and realize that, sometimes, “stuff happens” and it’s nobody’s fault.

Another related bit of wisdom I finally learned involves communication. I realized that part of the reason I was blaming my wife when my plans fell through was because I saw her as the cause of my frustration. I felt like she was constantly screwing up my plans. Actually, the problem was that I was making all these plans in my mind without discussing any of them with her to make sure there wasn’t a conflict waiting in the wings. Then I would get mad when she mentioned anything that made me change my internal plan. I finally figured out that if I talk to her about what I am planning to do we can work out any potential conflicts before they happen.

I know that all three of these suggestions are very similar. They all kind of revolve around communication and acepting responsibility for your own actions. None of this is rocket science, but I bet if you’re honest with yourself you will admit that you have made all these mistakes or some just like. And that’s really the key, being honest with yourself. It’s the best thing I did to help my marriage.

If the number one question on your mind lately is, “How can I help my marriage?”, I have some ideas for you. I’ve been married for almost 27 years. My wife and I have had some pretty tough times in those years. There were even times it looked like we might get a divorce. But we managed to stay married, and I want to share some of what I have learned with you so you can too..

You may think that nobody understands what you’re going through. Your situation is different. And yes, no two marriages are the same. But many couples deal with a lot of the same problems. I’ll bet in 27 years my wife and I have struggled with some of the same problems you are facing now. Maybe some of the things I did to help my marriage can help you.

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Three Things I Did to Help My Marriage.

I want to share with you three principles I’ve used to help my marriage. I encourage you to put these principles into practice. They are pretty simple, but they have the potential to help restore your marriage. They may seem obvious to you, but I have found that people often overlooked the obvious, searching for some complicated solution. Sometimes simple solutions are best. Here they are…

Take a Good Look at Yourself

In my marriage I learned when things aren’t going well the first place I need to look in the mirror. You may not feel like hearing that now, nobody ever does, but you really should consider it. As tough as it is for me to swallow, if I’m having problems in my marriage, very often it’s my own fault. That’s not to say my wife never screws up, she does. But so do I and being willing to face up to that and admit when I’m wrong has done a lot to help my marriage.

Stop Blaming

Something else I had to learn to help my marriage is to stop pointing fingers. My marriage seem to be destined for a divorce several years ago. I was frustrated with my wife and she was fed up with me. I realized I was blaming her When things didn’t work out the way I thought they should. I would get mad and irritated at a situation and take my frustration out on her.

It usually started when I created an expectation in my mind of how I thought something should go. I would have everything planned out in my mind and then my wife would remind me of something that caused all my mental plans to go up in smoke. Of course, then I would blame her for messing up my plans. This invariably led to tension and aggravation in our relationship. I had to teach myself to realize that life happens and it doesn’t have to be anybody’s fault.

Communication Is Critical

Another thing I did to help my marriage was start talking to my wife about things before making plans. After thinking about it, I finally recognized that the reason I got so mad and blamed her with something interfered with my plans was because she was the one who had to be the bearer of bad news. In reality, the conflict was already there before I made my plans. She was just the one who had to remind me of it. It took me a while, but I learned to talk to her and work out any potential issues before I decided to do something.

Just Be Honest with Yourself

I know all three of these principles are closely related and not of them are rocket science. They all sort of hinge on personal responsibility and communication. They may seem like common sense, but if you are willing to be honest with yourself, I’ll bet you’ve made some of the same mistakes I have. That’s really what it boils down to, you have to learn to be honest with yourself. That’s the number one thing I did to help my marriage.

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