How to Restore Intimacy in Marriage
Any couple who has been through a difficult time knows that intimacy in marriage can often be the first thing to exit a relationship. Spouses who find themselves constantly at odds are unlikely to show physical affection. The mere thought of physical intimacy can be a turn-off when you feel undervalued and unloved. However, a sexless marriage is an unhappy one. To save your marriage, it is essential that you make resolving your intimacy issues a priority.
What Causes Intimacy Issues…
Before you can restore intimacy in marriage, you have to understand what created the distance in the first place. The three main causes for a sexless marriage are listed below.
1-Emotional Distance: This tends to be the main reason why women stop responding to their husband’s advances. A wife who feels unappreciated by her husband often does not feel inclined to open herself to sexual intimacy. Many women equate a helpful husband with a loving husband. It is no wonder that a recent study discovered that men who share household chores are more likely to have frequent sex with their wives.
2-Physical Appearance: Yes, it seems as though appearance should not matter to committed spouses, but the fact is that we are visual creatures. While it is commonly the husband who loses desire when his spouse gains a substantial amount of weight or practices poor hygiene, women too can be turned-off by an unkempt spouse. If you suffer from a sexless marriage and give little thought to your appearance, extra attention to hygiene and health habits might make all the difference.
3-Poor Self-Esteem: Intimacy in marriage can be hampered by a spouse’s fear of rejection and failure. Low self-esteem can be paralyzing. Sexuality involves opening oneself up completely emotionally and physically. The very vulnerability that makes sex a sacred part of a marriage relationship can also make the thought of intercourse unbearable to some. If you or your spouse suffers from debilitating self-esteem issues, you will need to work patiently together to overcome these fears. In addition, many couples find that a professional marriage therapist can help cultivate needed trust.
Creating Intimacy in Marriage
The problem of a sexless marriage can be a difficult one for spouses to discuss with one another. If a spouse has low self-esteem, they may also balk at the idea of simply talking about the issue. For those couples who have difficulty discussing intimacy issues, many Christian marriage books provide guidance as to how tactfully and discreetly address your concerns with sexuality.
Other guidelines to restoring intimacy in marriage include…
Create a safe environment – Treat each other with love and respect. Spouses are more likely to open themselves emotionally and physically to each other if they feel that they will fully accepted.
Make Intimacy a Priority – Each spouse should be open to an intimate encounter. You should also cultivate opportunities to be intimate. If your spouse is going to bed, turn off the TV and follow them. However, if they are not interested, don’t force the subject or make them feel bad. Pressure to perform is the best way to ensure a sexless marriage.
Keep Communication Open – In many busy households, spouses might not talk to one another until the chores are done, the kids are asleep and they finally collapse into bed together. For women in particular, it can be hard to be in the mood when they haven’t talked to their spouse all day. Stay in touch with notes, text messages and brief calls so that when the time for intimacy arrives in the evening you feel connected to your spouse.
Remember that Intimacy is More than Just Sex – Intimacy in marriage is more than just a wild tryst in bed. It is also spending time together sharing your hopes and fears. It is the non-sexual union of a husband and wife who fully trust and love one another. When a couple achieves a comfortable level of emotional intimacy, physical intimacy is sure to follow.
Intimacy in marriage is essential to a long-term relationship. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that it is not important. For more information on how to turn a sexless marriage into a passionate one, click here.