2 Secrets to Saving a Marriage
If you’re faced with saving a marriage you may feel helpless and frustrated. A problem in your relationship can consume your thoughts and make everyday tasks seem overwhelming. It doesn’t seem fair. You seem to notice other happy couples everywhere and wonder what they have that you don’t. Well, don’t give up yet. You’re about to learn two powerful principles that can help turn your marriage around.
Since the only person you can really change is yourself, both of these principles may involve adjustments in your thinking. You have to learn to get a little emotional distance and try to see your problems objectively. We’ve all heard the old saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. By training yourself to respond differently to situations in your marriage you can start seeing a different, better result.
1. Nobody’s Perfect
First, you need to accept the fact that neither you or your spouse is perfect. You will both make mistakes in how you respond to each other. Sometimes you will say the wrong thing and other times you may do something thoughtless or selfish. That’s really just human nature so learning to overlook some things is essential to saving a marriage. If you expect your spouse to never screw up you are bound to be disappointed.
Once you give yourself and your spouse permission to be human it makes it a lot easier to get along. You won’t be as upset when things don’t go just like you want. It also helps keep things in perspective. Once you realize that the only storybook marriages are in the stories, you won’t be tempted to compare your relationship with someone else. Instead you can learn to overlook the times your spouse says or does the wrong thing. You just might find that your spouse starts cutting you a little more slack too.
2. Everybody’s Different
The second secret to saving a marriage is to realize, once and for all, that men and women are different. We think differently, we respond differently and we deal with problems differently. That doesn’t mean that one sex is superior, just that it isn’t reasonable to expect your spouse to deal with things the same way you do. It is this difference that creates the potential for a marriage to be such a rewarding relationship. It also creates the potential for trouble if it is ignored or overlooked.
One common problem area in a relationship where the difference between sexes creates a problem is concerning communication. On average, men and women communicate very differently. Men tend to condense things and not say a whole lot more than is necessary to get their point across. Women, on the other hand, are generally more detail oriented. They often feel the need to include lots of details in a conversation. This difference can lead to wives feeling like their husbands don’t ever talk to them and husbands to feel like their wives just go on and on. If you learn to stop expecting your spouse to react like you would you will have a lot less frustration and opportunities for conflict in your marriage.
I know that none of this is rocket science. Mostly it’s just good common sense, but when you’re in the middle of a serious problem in your marriage it can be hard to even think straight. I urge you to take these suggestions to heart. Even though they are fairly simple they can take you one step closer to saving a marriage.